I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
