Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
