There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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