He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
