I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
