when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
