I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
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