You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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