you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sorry my hands just texted you
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
