Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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