Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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