I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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