Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
