Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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