Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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