woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
