i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
