eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
