Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
