I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
