I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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