I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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