I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
