you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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