Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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