Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
