Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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