we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
