im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
