is your mom at the bar?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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