maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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