Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
