You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
