I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
