i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
