Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
