Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Welp...herpes.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
