Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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