i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
