Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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