I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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