You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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