After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
