He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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