there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
