Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Pants are for mortals
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
