Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
