so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
