The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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