What a fucking waste of an outfit
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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