My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
