just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i think i just lost a toe
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