Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
