I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
