I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
