I should be sponsored by Trojan
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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