I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
