The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
