Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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