if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
