i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
