There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
