I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
