I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
