brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
