Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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