How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
