I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
