@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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