so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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