somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
