I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
