well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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