If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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