WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
