I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
