There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
