worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
