Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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