I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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