I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
