Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
