my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
