I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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