BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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