Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
