Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
