how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
