Don't you send me to vm
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
