I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
