Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
