When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Vodka?
Forever.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
